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How to Say ?

How To Say ?

Sweetness is often taken for granted. If one does not dominate others then one will be dominated by others. In a way, it is true. Often we say we need to control our children, students, workers, subordinates to discipline them, to get the work done and we want people to take us seriously. But the truth is much deeper, the way our teachers, boss and parents behaved with us, which we never liked as student, subordinate and a child but eventually we follow them.

The truth is, we don’t know how to get the work done with softness because we lack it ourselves. We are fighting and struggling inside, and our outer behaviour is just the projection of our inner condition. And we often complain that sweetness in always taken for granted. Peace has never been our priority. We find joy in controlling others, we want more money, power and respect. Let’s say, a few people might listen to us, follow our instructions but all in fear. What we get in return, as we see ourselves in mirror, our innocence and softness has gone. Our youth has disappeared and we are ageing so fast. This is the cost of controlling others. Are we ready to pay this price?

Now the question is, how to express ourselves? This is the major conflict in our daily life. How to get the work done? How to earn respect from others? It is not only about saying “No”, it is about how to convey our true feelings to others. But most of the time the talking remains in our mind, which makes us crazy. The more we plan and analyse our conversation, the more stories mind creates. Which works as a fuel in the fire and we end up with the frustration of not putting the right words to the right person with the right impact.

Let’s assume that we somehow manage to say all our true feelings to others. What do you think would happen, the things would remain the same, better or worse?

The truthful answer I suppose will be the worse. But most of us will probably say “what matters is how we say it”. This is what the mind says too. We might manage to say things in nice way to others, but we don’t feel the same inside. This is a conflict, which takes our excessive energy and still the outcome is not favourable because now the conversation is based on manipulation. The sweetness is on the surface. The manipulation first takes place in the mind and then in words. The impact of such words does not last for long because the words lack the strength of the inner truth. Loud and strong words can create the fear but cannot touch the heart and earn the peace and true confidence.

What stops us to communicate our true feelings to others?

  • We don’t find the rights words at the right time.
  • It might hurt others feelings.
  • We might spend many days in guilt for saying it and then in self-justification.
  • Fear of losing relationship or job.

What happens if we don’t say and instead supress our feelings?

  • A constant talking and struggle in our mind.
  • We are irritable all the time and become short tempered. Anything and anyone can easily trigger our anger.
  • We might use a weak target or a loved one as our punching bag.
  • And we feel more discomfort inside.
  • Job and relationship is anyway on the risk because we are not at peace inside.
  • To distract our mind, we over engage ourselves in too many activities, in such a restless state, we unconsciously attract more difficult situations and people.
  • Sometimes we seek various entertainment, where we gossip and overeat. This disturbs whole digestion system, which leads to various health problems.
  • Sometimes we neglect the food. We distance ourselves from the activities that we enjoy like exercising, walks, playing, dancing, singing, listening to music, swimming etc.

Suppression does not seem to be the answer. Then how to express ourselves that has impact yet no one gets hurts, neither me nor you?

The answer is beyond science and concepts of right and wrong. No inner talking, no analysing, no psychology, not even trying to substitute bad thoughts with good one. Then what is the answer?

To communicate effectively and effortlessly we need silence and space inside. Then our anger, bitterness and all conflicts are dissolved quickly. All the conflicts need to be resolved inside first, then not much energy is used in explaining outside. Else it keeps reoccurring again and again as it is not solved inside properly. Denial of the presence of conflict and duality will not take us anywhere. We are ashamed to accept them as a part of us – that is the whole problem. But my friend, the truth is they are a part of us in different measures and no one is really an exception.
To be good is good but not through concept but as our inner condition. The answer lies in the inner space which has more capacity to handle everything in the best possible way. Now the conversation does not flow in anger. One can be easily firm yet calm. Through the practise of meditation, we know what to say and when to say. No painful inner discussion and no analysing. The communication is more spontaneous and settled because of inner clarity.

Inner space is a natural result of inner silence – it happens by the constant practice of mediation and the guidance of the Guru. He teaches the disciple how not to get caught by duality rather how to use the same energy to be more conscious. In mediation practice one accepts oneself truly and then others in the natural way. As a result outer conflicts are also dissolved peacefully without arguments. One loses the ability to hurt oneself and others.

Definitely to attain the inner silence, it demands lots of efforts and determination like in any other field of learning. Kriya yoga is the one of the best tools in the Indian meditation system. It is extremely easy and simple to practice. It helps one to mediate for an hour effortlessly with guided audio in master’s voice.

I am practising Kriya yoga since 5 years. Mediation has given me the ability to speak for myself in the best possible way. Still many times I feel the same frustration but this does not discourage me rather I practise with more attention and sincerity. We often forget that peace is more valuable than anything else and try to take control situation and people. Every failure takes me back to building more inner silence like a bird who keeps building the nest again and again without complain and getting tired.

I feel the space inside, it is as lovely as a new life,
I hear them all as never before,
Sweet it becomes to receive my little love,
Suddenly that makes me extremely light.
I feel the space inside, I feel the space inside……

Rain just washed everything in my house,
I am happy to have a brand new eyes and ears.
Oh I hear the man selling on street,
The loud car horn and the dragging of the drums,
All is perfect and right.
I feel the space inside, I feel the space inside……

The wind blows through the leaf,
For no reason it is there on that tree.
He enjoys the company of his fellow leaves,
He never miss any chance to dance.
A small bird chose the perfect straw each time,
The chirping birds on the trees, and here she reply.
I feel the space inside, I feel the space inside……
The things were so near to me, why I could not see them before?
Dogs try to escape from heat, looking for shadow and something to eat,
Sitting in a lonely corner, waits for someone to notice them.
We talk high about charity and spirituality but there are suffering and dying in our locality,
They have been looked upon as ugly creature living beside,
I feel the space inside, I feel the space inside……

Why ants never takes rest?
Why the birds never get tried making the nest.
A seasonal flower drops on my head
Wet grass under my foot I love the nature’ bed.
I wonder how I could miss the beauty around me,
Things which are extremely simple and near.
Which I thought them boring and inferior
They are harmless just wanting my attention
May be some tolerance too,
They taught me to love myself even more
With the practice I opened my heart and ears,
I join all the broken pieces of my life, here I fly, here I fly
I feel the space inside, I feel the space inside.

Again question comes to the same thing “balance” how to have softness intact and yet get the work done. People love to work in your company and look forward to see you everyday. Life is indicating again and again to find balance.

To control other is game of unaware people. Like dog in his childhood maintains a gap and barks at his young one and later the same fear works for whole of his life. Let us grow higher than this animal consciousness. Let us grow up and work hard to achieve a life full of awareness, balance and love. And softness. Lets grow young rather than old.

This Post Has 2 Comments
  1. Very insightful analysis of the external situation and inner turmoil. Reading it motivates towards to realize the inner space. Keep writing!!

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