True Companion

My best friend was the most important person during my college years. I shared all my problems with her, and it helped me in many ways.

Firstly, talking to her helped me hear my own thoughts out loud. Secondly, I realized how much I tended to complain about everything and everyone.

Overall, I enjoyed talking to my best friend; instead of burning inside in hell, it is better to talk to a trustworthy friend.

In contrast, my sister had many friends in school. Curiously, I asked her, “What does friendship mean to you?” She surprised me by saying, “Friends are just for time pass.”

At first, I laughed, but later I kept thinking about it. In school, I was a quiet child with little to say. Mostly interacted with my classmates to borrow notes or stationery. Not being good at my studies, I had little to offer in return. I was lost in my own isolated world. My classmates found me intolerable. And I wanted the year to pass as soon as possible so that I could have a new sitting partner. This pattern repeated year after year.

In 9th grade, my grandmother decided to change my school and arranged for two girls to be my friends. They would pick me up from home every day. Initially, I enjoyed their company—walking quietly to school, eating lunch together, and returning home felt comforting. I found their usual discussions uninteresting and listened passively. They found me weird. They kept pushing me to discuss my problems. Finally, one day, I shared my joint family troubles. They heard me with great interest.  But over time, they teamed up against me and used my vulnerability to make me feel guilty.

In college, I deliberately preferred having one quiet friend at a time. This approach worked well for me. But later in life, I became more vulnerable, overwhelmed by numerous problems, and didn’t know how to handle them. I started sharing my struggles with a trustworthy friend. This habit continued for many years. How did a quiet child become restless? One extreme to another. People invited me to their gatherings. For a while, I thought it was kindness. Later, I noticed my problems had become their entertainment—something interesting to discuss once I had left the room.

One day, my throat got so bad that I could not utter a word for four days. My best friend came to visit me. The room was so silent. Why wasn’t she talking? I had a bad throat, not her. Then I realized that, in our relationship, I did most of the talking. Later, when I met her again, I noticed I was mostly repeating myself—going over the same issues again and again. It became clear that sharing my struggles was not leading to any solutions. Often, it only disturbed my inner state even more. I understood that conversations are helpful when we know where they are heading. 

Human suffering has always guided people toward religion, spirituality, or some form of inner search. The paths may differ, but the destination is often the same—the longing to find happiness and peace within oneself. The journey requires patience and effort. When we become our own true companion, the same world becomes a joyful place.

Companion
The most interesting soul I’ve ever met—
A mystery that never ends.
Each time I think I’ve figured it out,
The ocean grows even deeper.
There is always more,
And sometimes—I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I never get tired of me.