Dancing Alone

After five years of learning classical Bharatnatyam, I decided to choreograph a bhajan for the first time. It was a challenging process- each line of the song required hours of thought to feel its essence, to create matching steps. After a month of daily effort, the choreography was complete, but I was unsure of how it had turned out.  

My younger sisters liked it, but I doubted their judgment. What did they know about dance? When a dancer friend visited, I hesitantly showed her my work. To my surprise, she loved it so much that she wanted to learn the same choreography from me to perform it on the stage. Her enthusiasm filled me with both confidence and jealousy. If she perform it, everyone would praise her, but no one would know it was my creation. 

This sparked a strong desire in me to perform on stage and showcase my talent. Every day, I visited a nearby temple with a large auditorium frequently used for festivals. I approached the organizer, requesting just a two-minute opportunity. But he made an excuse. I thought I had been volunteering in this temple, working in the kitchen, distributing books, attending lectures, and helping at festivals. How can they be so inconsiderate?

After months of trying, I decided to let it go. Then, one day, a foreign dancer friend visited me. When I shared my struggle, she suggested, “Introduce me to the temple president. I  will convince him, and we can perform together.” I agreed and said, “I have been approaching them for many months, and it is difficult to convince them. Instead of giving me a chance, they put up all the boring performances on the stage.” She said, “Let me just talk to them once.” I took her to the president of the temple and left for the temple kitchen work. 

To my surprise, within half an hour, she returned with good news : we had secured a two-minute slot at the end of the cultural program next month. 

Trilled, we began practicing sincerely for two hours every day. We chose the best jewelry and designed beautiful costumes.  Finally, the big day arrived. We reached the temple five hours before the program. The green room was occupied by children performing earlier, and their organiser was a temple lady, a non-professional one. She rudely denied us access. My friend told me to follow her. She took me deep inside the temple in a dark room. It seemed like a new auditorium was under construction. Using her phone’s flashlight, we managed to change into our costumes and apply makeup without a mirror. 

The program began, and one dull performance followed another. The auditorium was packed, and there was no place to stand. It seemed that people had never seen a good performance. I was getting anxious and excited. It was getting late, and the boring program did not seem to end any sooner. By the time our names were announced at 10 pm, people began leaving. There was a free dinner Prasad after the program, and people were hungry. Almost everyone left except four people: my aunt, one boy, the temple president, and one lady who organized the children’s program. She was curious to see how we perform. 

I was disheartened, but my friend’s determination lifted my spirits. “Let’s dance,” she said, and I followed her lead.

I poured my heart into the performance, and I enjoyed every minute. I could not see or feel anything else than dance and me. As we finished, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfilment. And went to have dinner at the temple. The temple president approached us and said, “It was a beautiful performance by both of you, a pleasure for the eyes. Sadly, people left. ”

But I had no regrets. That moment taught me something profound. It was not about the audience or the applause. It was about the journey, the efforts, and the joy of dancing. “God can do everything in an eye blink. The person can become no one to be well known. It is just a moment when a failure turns into success. This process itself is beautiful; let me just feel it and live it. In the moments of doubt and struggle, we truly learn about ourselves and create stories worth sharing. I was so blissful at that point in time for no reason. 

After that night, the temple lady who watched me dance gave me many opportunities to dance and choreograph with temple children. Eventually, I danced solo on many occasions. Looking back, I cherish every step of the way. The struggles were not struggles at all – they were the essence of the journey, the very reason it was so rewarding. Oh.. this journey is so wonderful.