Fashion Blunder

I was in a girl’s school, unaware of the world outside ‘boys’. After finishing my schooling, I went to learn computers. At the centre, I discovered a new emotion, an attraction towards boys, but I was not in the habit of talking to them, so I felt uncomfortable around them. Yet I wanted attention from good-looking boys, but I am kind of invisible to them. I wondered why? According to me, I was wearing the best clothes of my aunt, who was 20 years older than me. “Maybe my eyebrows are too bushy. Maybe I need some makeup – big bindi, mom’s dark coloured lipstick, tight pony tail’. But nothing was working. I wondered why?

So I started observing popular girls around. I tried my best to copy them – got two dresses stitched of my size, got my eyebrows done, wearing a small bindi and baby pink lipstick. I had only one friend at the centre, Usha, who was 25 years older than me. One day she took me to get my hair cut done. For the first time in a fancy parlour. Oh, it changed my look. It made me look beautiful and more uncomfortable. I was too shy to carry myself. 

The next day in computer class, I had my hair tired again. Suddenly, the light went off in the middle of the session and my friend Usha opened my hair. Before I could tie them again, the light came back and everyone looked at me. I did not like too much attention.

But it was a momentary attention, still no boy approached me and one year was gone. I thought maybe my height was a problem, so I bought a pair of beautiful and uncomfortable heels. It kept biting me all the time till I became used to it. Oh, it was a terrible experience. Why did I do that to myself? 

Everyone had a boyfriend in the class except me.  I thought something was wrong with me.  

After six months, my friend Usha left the course.  I was left alone without a friend in my class. One day a smart girl, Monika, came to me and said, “Can I drop you somewhere?” She lived close to my house. I happily agreed, stylish girl friend of my age. I was good at computers, not really, but better than her and she was good at looks. We were both eager to learn something from each other.

Every day we travelled together. One day, I noticed all the boys were giving attention to her and wanted her attention back. What is there in her which I cannot see? What is making her so attractive? I kept thinking but could not find the answer. I started wearing clothes like hers, which were pretty comfortable, loose shirt and stretchable leggings, but I was still the same – unapproachable. My name itself means the same, if I remove the last word ‘a’ from Vanisha. 

Monika often used to talk about her affairs and I kept listening to her with interest.  I had nothing to share. Now I desperately needed a boyfriend. 

One day, I was alone at my grandfather’s office in the afternoon. He went home to have his lunch. My job was to take care of phone calls and note down the orders. Suddenly, I got a wrong number. It was a boy on the other side, he sounded smart and sophisticated. He liked my voice too. So he started calling me every day at the same time, and I was enjoying it. We used to talk for two hours. Finally, I found a boy. I used to wait a whole day anxiously for his phone call. I could not focus on my studies or anything else.  The first few weeks he was quite punctual, but later he made me wait for half an hour or more. I did not like that. I asked for his phone number but he always made an excuse. After a month, I could not manage to get his phone number and it bothered me.

A few days later, he asked me to meet him but I was more comfortable on the phone and not sure otherwise. I discussed my situation with Monika. She said, “Don’t worry, I will be there with you all the time. Just ask him to meet us outside our centre.” I did the same. He told me that he would be there in a brown t-shirt to get himself recognised.

The next day, I was anxious, fearful, worried, and happy. So many emotions together. I looked extra beautiful, according to me. I left the house as usual with Monika. We took the bus and got dropped just outside the centre. There were so many unfamiliar faces and my heart was beating fast. Then I saw a good-looking tall guy on a bike in a brown t-shirt. We went to him and asked his name. It was him. It was a 5 minute interaction and then he left. We also had a class to attend. 

That afternoon, surprisingly, he called me before time. I thought it was my effect on him. But suddenly he started asking questions about Monika. I replied in an innocent way. Finally, he asked for her number. I asked him, why? He just made a sweet excuse. And I gave him Monika’s number.

After an hour, Monika called me and said, “You know his real name is Pankaj, not what he told you. Also, I got his phone number too. You wanted it, right?” 

It took me a little while to feel the things. And I said “No, it is no longer required.” I kept thinking about how Monika got his attention in the 5 minute interaction? And guess what! I concluded, her permed hair.  

My computer course got finished after two years. And I decided to get my hair permed. Many people told me that it might look good in the beginning but will destroy the natural hair colour of your hair as harsh chemicals are used at the hair roots. But I had already made up my mind. It looked beautiful but unmanageable. 

Yes, I got the attention of the boys whom I never liked. And the boys I liked were still not interested in me. I kept pondering over it for many years. After 30 years, I came to know great people like Shri.Ramkrishna, Paramahansa Yogananand, Sh.Aurobindo, Saint Mira, Buddha, Swami Sivananda and many more. Can you imagine wearing one single colour, the same pattern everyday? They were not bothered about their hair style, footwear, cars, watches, gadgets, house etc.  Yet their faces glowed in confidence and their eyes were so attractive that millions fell in love with them. I understood what I had to achieve.